Double Blind Date
by Xyriath
Summary: "We're both meant to be going on blind dates with other people but we sat down at the wrong table and got our hopes up." Roy/Ed modern day "We're really bad at dating" AUs, part 2


Ed couldn't help it. He was naturally a skeptic.

 _Winry_ seemed confident enough. She would, though. When you'd been in a relationship as long as she had, it was easy to figure that everything would be fucking _fine_ for everyone else. And it totally was. Just fucking dandy. Ed _loved_ sitting around in a breakfast joint waiting for some guy to show up in what was the latest in Al and Winry's attempts to set him up with "the perfect person." What they didn't say–that he needed to find someone who would distract him from throwing himself into work–was blatant enough, too.

The entire concept of a blind date was fucking stupid, anyway, and despite Winry's oh-so-convincing argument of "He's a total nerd, and you'll get along great. Because _reasons_ ," he wasn't too sold on the whole thing.

He gave his phone a quick glance. It was two past six, and while it wasn't technically _late_ , it was two sixty-second reasons for him to be (slightly) concerned that the guy wouldn't show. He scowled, leaning back against the wall and keeping an eye out for this mystery guy. Black hair. Glasses. Dark eyes. "Ridiculously adorable," whatever that meant. Probably looking as fucking confused as Ed felt.

At this point, he was half-tempted to go around to anyone even remotely resembling the description and ask, "Hey, are you Kain?"

Half-tempted became fully tempted within the next three minutes, and he was just about to text Winry and demand a description when the door swung open to admit a tall man with–black hair.

Ed suddenly really, _really_ fucking fervently hoped this was the guy.

He wasn't just tall; he also happened to be _drop dead gorgeous to boot_ , with a slightly round face and eyes that seemed sharp enough to cut right through you if he wanted. His features seemed to potentially suggest an East Asian background, but Ed's own ancestry was enough to make him hesitate at making any firm guesses based on looks. "Black," Ed couldn't help reflecting, wasn't the least of the fucking things about this guy's hair. Try "attractively windblown," and Ed momentarily could do nothing but wonder if it felt as good as it looked.

Ed continued to watch him expectantly, as the man paused to glance around.

Well, he _did_ look as lost as Ed felt, and when the hostess walked up to him, he waved her on politely with an, "I'm waiting for someone, but thank you."

Ed narrowed his eyes, a small smirk playing at his lips. Okay, maybe he'd give Winry this one.

The man (Kain? It could totally be Kain) turned, and his eyes caught Ed's.

Winry hadn't been fucking kidding when she had said dark eyes, if this was the guy. He didn't have any glasses, but then again, impossibly dark and gorgeous as those eyes were, Ed wasn't sure they weren't contacts. The thought of someone forgoing glasses to meet a date was weirdly endearing, and could definitely say a lot about the guy. For a moment, though, he reveled in that gaze, the pleasant shivers it sent running down his back.

After a moment of surprise in the man's expression, a question formed in the back of those eyes, almost expectant. Hopeful. Like he might be waiting for Ed, but wasn't sure.

"So," Ed finally drawled, smirk getting a little bigger. "I heard you were waiting for someone."

"Do you always make it a habit to listen in on conversations?" The man smirked to match Ed's expression, though there was no malice in his words, only returning the faint teasing. And _shit_ , that smug, cocky expression along with with a voice that rumbled that deeply made Ed's shivering problems even worse. Also kind of want to punch him in the face. So a good start.

"Yeah, I'm awful like that. Total busybody. Not as bad as my friend, though," he continued with a shrug, glancing off to the side oh-so-casually in a move that (he hoped) showed off his profile. That was, he had been informed by multiple sources that were mostly reliable, one of his best features. Physically, anyway. "Set me up on this blind date without even a picture of the guy I'm looking for…"

"Funny, I've been set up with a friend of a friend as well." The smirk grew wider. "I was told he was blonde, and quite attractive. You wouldn't happen to have any idea who I'm looking for, would you?"

Ed's exhalation of laughter was a _little_ too close to a giggle for comfort, but he caught himself, instead turning it into a (mostly) confident chuckle. "Well, I mean, if you're looking for an attractive blonde, I guess I wouldn't mind helping out."

Ed received a small and very captivating chuckle for his troubles. "I'd appreciate the assistance. I've been told I'm fairly useless when it comes to these things." He shrugged. "Not that I'd want to look anywhere else, now that I've seen you."

Okay, shit. This guy was fucking good. But… Ed frowned thoughtfully, meeting his eyes again. "Useless with what?"

The guy–Kain–shrugged with one shoulder, and he made it look way too fucking effortless. "According to our 'mutual friend,' I'm useless at dates."

Ed couldn't help it: he snorted. Liar. Ed knew he was lying, and Kain undoubtedly knew Ed knew. But hey, might as well get the rest out in the open. "Yeah, that's what he told me, too." A conversation like that had Al's fingerprints all over it. "Apparently I spend 'too much time with my nose buried in Schrodinger's equations.' Which is bullshit, by the way. Like I don't have that shit memorized already."

Kain chuckled. "Well, you're certainly not what I was expecting," he began as the waiter appeared to show them to their seats. "Though whether that's a good or bad thing remains to be seen."

Ed's eyes narrowed at the infuriating smirk now playing across Kain's mouth. "Yeah, well. You're not making much of a case for yourself."

Kain just laughed, an unfairly cocky sound that Ed ignored as he ordered hot chocolate.

"So, what were you expecting?"

Kain shrugged. "Definitely not a mathematician."

"Physicist," Ed corrected promptly. "There's a difference. I do mathematics on the side, but it's not my main focus." He huffed. "No surprise he didn't bother telling you. Probably didn't want to scare you off with the theoretical physics and workaholism. Which is also theoretical, I should add."

Kain shook his head, looking… yeah, that was impressed, if begrudgingly so. "I'm surprised you can keep up, considering."

Before Ed could decide whether or not to ask him what he meant–good-looking as Kain was, puzzling out quirks and cues whenever he met new people got very old very fast–Kain continued, "So, what have you heard about me?"

"Mostly that you're a giant fuckin' nerd," Ed shot back immediately. Suave and mysterious as this guy _pretended_ to be, Ed had to keep remembering that.

Kain made this expression that was a combination of a grimace and a wry smirk, and he even made _that_ look suave and charming. "Well, given that I own the entire Star Trek collection on DVD, the label is hardly misapplied."

"Star Trek? Never seen it." It had always been one of those things that he knew he probably should but had never gotten around to. "Aren't those on Netflix, though?"

"You like theoretical physics but you haven't seen Star Trek?" Though tempered with disbelief, the smirk didn't leave Kain's face. "We'll have to remedy that. And regardless, I owned them all long before Netflix was hogging up everyone's bandwidth."

Ed wasn't sure which part of the sentence to seize onto: wondering how old this guy was, or the fact that he had already practically proposed a second date–or more, given how much Star Trek there was in the world. "Cocky, aren't you?"

"One of my many charms," Kain practically purred, and Ed had to roll his eyes and take a sip of his hot chocolate to keep from stammering out… well, who fucking knew. Ed silently thanked whoever might be listening as Kain went back to looking mostly like a normal person again instead of some pagan sex god, meant in the most uncharitable way possible.

"Yeah, well, you'll have to tell me which ones those are," Ed shot back. "So far the only one you're living up to is being a giant nerd."

Kain chuckled a little ruefully. "I'm sorry. It usually doesn't come up until at least the third date."

"Yeah, well, neither does my science, but now you're stuck with it."

"How do you fit that alongside your career, by the way? Is it just a hobby?"

Ed frowned. "A hobby? It is my career."

Now it was Roy's turn to look confused. "I'm sorry, I just assumed you were a cop–"

"A cop?" Ed couldn't help cutting in with shock. "What the fuck did my brother tell you?"

"Your–you're Maes's _brother?_ " Kain looked even more confused than Ed felt. "He doesn't have a brother!"

"The fuck are you on about? Who is Maes?"

"That's–he said you were his rookie, not his brother. This doesn't make any sense. Maes Hughes, the one who set us up?"

"Dude, Winry and Al are the ones behind this. I have no idea who you're talking about."

"You're Jean Havoc, correct?"

Ed gaped at him, and the words seem to ring in the air between them. Right as Ed was about to finally get out, _Who the fuck is Jean Havoc?_ , he picked up on some more words, coming over Roy's shoulder, nearer to the entrance.

"Aren't you Edward Elric?"

He poked his head out of the side of the booth on instinct. "Hey, that's me!"

The speaker turned his head in Ed's direction, then walked over quickly. A tall blonde guy (who had _really_ nice arms) followed him, but Ed's attention was focused on the other man.

Black hair. Dark eyes. Glasses. Also, only a couple inches taller than Ed.

Things started to click into place. And if Winry's " _reasons_ " was the height thing, he was going to kill her.

"You're not Kain, are you," he said flatly, turning to–well, he didn't even know who the fuck this guy was, apparently.

"No," Not-Kain replied slowly. "I'm Roy. Roy Mustang."

"I'm Kain," the man with the glasses cut in. "I'm guessing you're Ed?"

"Yeah," Ed muttered, watching the real Kain. He was cute enough, yeah, but…

Was he a totally infuriating asshole?

"What are the odds?" the other blonde guy muttered–Ed assumed that was Jean. "I seriously just outed myself to a total stranger?"

"Well, he was presumably looking to date you, so I don't think he cares if you're gay."

"As trans, smartass," Jean snapped back with an annoyed glance. "And I'm not gay. I'm bi, thanks."

That… was fair. Ed winced. "Right. Sorry."

"I don't mind." Kain smiled up at Jean, and Ed watched them, trying to suppress the disappointment. They _were_ totally adorable. "But I mean… I guess it doesn't matter, does it? If we're supposed to switch dates."

Ed can see his own disappointment mirrored in Kain's expression and, when he looks over at Roy, he can tell they're not the only ones.

"Supposed to, perhaps, but do we have to?"

The words came from Roy, and Ed glanced quickly back over at him. He nearly said something, but Jean spoke up first.

"Y'know, he's right." He shrugged, to almost all appearances not caring, but Ed caught the look he shot Kain in the brief moments he glanced over. It was still nauseatingly cute. "Who says we can't switch? If things go totally horribly we can trade back."

"Should I be insulted?" Kain's laugh was even more adorable than the looks the two of them were shooting each other when they thought no one was looking. Ed thanked whoever was listening that he wasn't ogling Roy like that.

"Nah, it was mostly for their benefit. They seem like they'd get into trouble." Jean smirked over at Ed, and Ed stuck his tongue out before realizing that he was supposed to be pretending to be mature for the date, and subsequently realizing he didn't give a fuck.

"I certainly have no problem with it," Roy cut in, diplomatically ignoring Ed for the moment. "Kain?"

"No, I'm totally fine with this. Besides, we've already got our table and everything."

"Eh, I guess Roy isn't totally that bad," Ed drawled with a shrug. "Besides, it'll be funny when Winry hears how this entire thing turned out. Nice bit of revenge."

"Tell me about it." The dryness of Kain's tone surprised Ed, even earned him a tiny smile, and he made a mental note that even if they weren't fated to date, he might want to get to know the guy.

"So, I guess I should reintroduce myself." Jean stuck his hand in Kain's direction as they walked away, an awkward gesture that barely worked, but hey, not Ed's problem. "I'm Jean Havoc…"

Ed turned back to his date, now official and everything, and raised his eyebrow.

"So, Roy Mustang, huh? That even your real name?"

"You're one to talk. Edward Elric? What do you think you are, a movie star?"

Ed just picked up his menu and grinned.


End file.
